Life has changed

The title says it all. My life has taken a dramatic change, some for the better, and some not so good. I accepted a transfer back to Texas with my job, and I'm so happy being back home. The downside of that is Bobbie and I broke up right before I left. It breaks my heart and I have days where I feel nothing but rage inside. Today is one of those days. I see my friends posting on Facebook doing things with her, having fun, and seeing others pop up their heads in interest since once again Bobbie is single. It feels like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the heart.

We had an argument earlier this week, and Bobbie said my postings on FB were upsetting her. She said seeing me "hanging out with friends and watching ballgames" really bothered her for some reason. I was doing what I didn't do in Modesto in her mind. What she doesn't realize is my hanging out with friends consisted of sitting in my apartment with just me and the dog, playing WoW, and talking to my online friends via voice chat. Watching games consisted of going to the ESPN website and watching the gamecast , which is little more than a picture of a football moving across a football field...again, sitting in my apartment with just me and the dog. I guess she thinks I'm out running the town and having a grand old time. To be honest, it's pretty damn lonely.

She asked me what she wanted her to do, and since I know she wouldn't make the decision because she wants me to be the bad guy as usual, I told her she was on her own and I was not going to contact her again. She was officially "off the hook" and can go back and tell her friends how I "left her" and it's all my fault.

I'm not ready to drive into Dallas and go out, or even really be very social in person. I'm still hurting tremendously and just need time to lick my wounds. For now, Cheyenne is my best friend and confidant. All she asks is that I rub her belly, take her for walks, throw the ball, and feed her. Honestly that's about all I can offer to anyone or anything at this point in time. I'd say I wish the hurting would stop but I know I need to go through this before I can move on. Pain and broken hearts are as much a part of life as, love and happiness.