Boi's Don't Cry

We’re strong. We’re tough. We’re there when you need help moving, or building, or changing a tire. We’re there to hold you when you’re hurt, or protect you when you’re threatened. We’re there to lift you up and make you feel beautiful, wanted, and special. We’re your rock. We’re loud and rowdy with our friends. We like beer, baseball, football, and acting like teenage boys. We love to have fun, laugh, and joke. We love to smile and make you smile. But boi’s don’t cry. We don’t show emotion that would be considered weak. We show anger and happiness, but not sadness or fear or hurt. It’s not that we don’t feel these things, we just don’t show you. Why? Because we’re expected to be strong all the time. We have been trained by our lovers and our community that it isn’t acceptable to feel these things and/or show it as a butch woman. How can we be your protector and strength when we have a weak side as well? So, we keep it all inside. We don’t talk about how we feel. We keep everything buried deep. We learn to cry in the shower, or when we’re alone in the car, or quietly in bed at night when you’re asleep. We don’t open ourselves up to ridicule or disparagement. We don’t want people to know that we hurt or can be hurt. It’s just not acceptable. Our partners want us to talk to them, and have open communication, but how can you open yourself up to honest communication when you feel you aren’t allowed to have feelings of hurt, pain, or fear? Boi’s don’t cry. That’s what we’ve been taught. Most relationships fail because of lack of communication. Feelings get hurt, and then resentment sets in. Over time the resentment builds a chasm between you that cannot be breached, and the relationship comes to an end. It’s usually messy at the point because the boi has kept so much pent up inside, and lets it all out in a moment of anger. The partner feels completely blindsided at this point because there was no communication, and had no idea of all the hurt and anger until that moment. At the end, the boi doesn’t care any longer as the relationship is finished and finally spills everything that has been building up over the life to the relationship. There is nothing more to lose at this point, so everything comes out. How do you keep this from happening? Show your boi that it’s safe to truly be open and honest, that she doesn’t have to keep everything buried inside. When she talks to you about how she feels, don’t disregard those feelings, don’t laugh or belittle her vulnerability. Show her you care, try to understand things from her perspective. Listen to what she says, and work with her to find a resolution, or put your arms around her and hold her close and be her rock for a short time. She’ll love you more for it. But if you don’t, she’ll shut down and sink deeper into herself because boi’s don’t cry.